Online sponsors?

[iwontgiveup]

Do people ever have sponsors online? I’ve been going to online meetings so the idea is just something I’m curious about because I’m having trouble getting to meetings due to chronic illness.

–Natalie
[email protected]

[Gemm]

Hey Natalie

On-line sponsorship is not one that we here recommend. With a chronic illness, I can understand from that same point of view the attraction that would have as I too have chronic illnesses that prevent me from making very many face-to-face meetings, as well as distance (almost 100 miles). Regardless, I still maintain a face-to-face sponsor just for that – face-to-face recovery, accountability, and contact in general, even though I don’t see her all that often, I can still get with her from time to time to talk over my step-work, any problems I may have in life etc that I may just not bother with if I had to do it all on-line. With a f2f sponsor, it is a lot harder to fudge, omit, exaggerate, etc in things that happen as well as answering things in my step work or other writing assignments she may give me.

Another thing that really keeps me drawn to f2f over on-line is the pure physical contact that I can make with f2f that is not available on-line. The physical hugs I can get at a meeting are so far and above the impact I can get from any cyber-hug. Watching the body language of people I’m talking to or just listening to as they share brings much deeper understanding of where they are and what they are sharing than what we can pick up on-line.

Good luck with your recovery and life – love in NA 

EthelL aka Gemm in chat

[iwontgiveup]

Thanks. I think that seems reasonable. Right now I’m working through my step working guide and I think it’s time to find a sponsor again. I’m going to try and get myself well enough to make it to a meeting before the end of the week. Thanks for the welcome, I appreciate it. It’s really hard coming back after all this time… It’s going to be even more difficult going back to face to face meetings in my town… I know I shouldn’t care what other people "think of me" but I’m a shy person so going back and admitting defeat after having been absent for a long time sounds really humiliating. Oh well though. You gotta do what *has* to be done, I suppose. It’s that or continue to mess up.

[Gemm]

  Natalie

Don’t consider yourself a failure or defeated unless you have given up and aren’t willing to come back and try again. Many people have relapsed several times before they finally were able to get clean and stay clean. I know a man close to us here that has been coming to NA for over 20 years and now has about 5 yrs clean. He never gave up no matter how many times he relapsed. He just kept coming back and I truly pray that you will do that as well, though I will also pray that you don’t ever make the choice that will necessitate that you have to come back again. An old NA saying that is so true: If you don’t go anywhere you don’t have to worry about coming back. (there are several versions of that all equally true) I’m sure you have probably heard that NA = Never Alone, Never Again unless I choose to be and it is so true. Since coming to NA I haven’t had to be alone no matter what was going on in my life.

Don’t be afraid to go back to your local meetings. While there may be a few that may judge you, most of the feelings of being judged tend to come from within us as we are the harshest judges of ourselves that ever is or was. Nobody can be harder on me than I’ve been on myself. Another saying that helps me when I want to beat up on myself is: if you did to me what I do to me I’d have to have you arrested.    Allow the people, especially the women, at the meetings have the blessing of being able to be there for you to help you get through whatever is going on with you. Also, find a sponsor ASAP if you are already working on the Steps. Even now with  multiple years clean I won’t work  on my steps without a sponsor because there are still things that come up that I need help processing and putting back in my past where they belong.

Hoping all is well. 

Ethel aka Gemm in chat   

[iwontgiveup]

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it
I’m going to a women’s meeting this weekend, so hopefully I’ll find someone right away.
If you see me in the chat, I’m just gonna go by my screenname on here, iwontgiveup,
basically cause it’ll be the easiest for me to remember, . I don’t get around to chatting
so often these days though since I’m in bed a lot from my illness, but I’m sure we’ll meet
up in there eventually.

Again, thanks!
Love,

–Natalie
[email protected]

[Lon]

Natalie,
As Ethel said we really don’t suggest online sponsorship. It is my opinion that online sponsorship is, in fact, stealing from the one being sponsored. It robs them of the connection all of us need with other recovering addicts. It encourages isolation, something all addicts have problems with. 70% of human communication is non-verbal..body language, facial expression and tone of voice. Those things lend context to mere words.

Take the words "fuck you".. how many different meanings can that have?? Tone of voice and facial expression can make it into many different things .

Chronic illness sucks… but so does isolation. We can find ways around out limitations. I lost a good friend of mine in face to face recovery several years ago. Alice M was her name… she died of breast cancer. Even dying she chose to go to NA meetings…even when it meant she had to be carried down stairs to get into the meetings. She NEVER had a problem finding someone to help her get into the meeting.
trust HP… and do what you can do.