Help..starting over again.

[dragonfly316]

I really need help…someone to talk to.  Crack has ruined my life.  I was introduced to it 2 years ago, have since then lost almost everything that I own, am behind on all of my bills, mortgage, etc…unemployed…have a terrible marriage, and I am pretty sure my kids hate me…or their dad anyway.  I have begged, borrowed and stolen and now can’t stand to see anyone that I have taken advantage of.  The bottom line is that I lie in bed every night and wish I had the guts to kill myself. 
I can’t handle the pain anymore….I absolutely hate myself and where I am at.  No, I am not the only addict, my husband is too…but somehow it is always my fault when we are broke or run out.   Suggestions would be great. 
I have no insurance to get into treatment, my husband won’t leave, and I have no family that I can stay with.  Anyone else here been through this?  I really don’t want to throw away 21 years of marriage over this worthless drug.

Thanks

[kascha175]

Dragonfly 316, I’m new to this message board thing but your story hit very close to home. I’m in a very similar situation and don’t know where to turn either. My husband has been an addict his entire life (I found out after we got married) and turned me on to Cocaine 3 years ago.I don’t do it often but when I do I binge for 2-3 days. It’s running my life.I’ve been through rehab twice…no Luck so far. I keep relapsing. He refuses to quit. I want to and I’ve tried whole heartedly but can’t seem to stay clean. I’ve thought of divorce, but no money and nowhere to go. Maybe together we can support and help eachother. Any advice from others would be greatly appreciated. God Bless to those still struggling and to those in recovery.

[Ddevereaux13]

Kasha175 and dragonfly316: if there is one place to go it would be an NA meeting, tell people what is happening and ask for their help. You can also contact the NA hotline and ask them for guidance.  Also,  is ther an FIA department near by ? There are resources out there which you can turn to for help- are you two rural or city residents? I can understand and identify with all you two have shared and I am hear if both just need some one to talk to. Dannielle

[Ddevereaux13]

"Here" to help, not hear to help, sorry, autocorrect.