NewAtN/A +ChronicPain/Addiction

[JustFellInSkiRacersN(A)]

Firstly, I wanna say hi to everyone here as I am new to this website as well as N/A in general. My story, much like probably everybody else’s, is a really long one. I will start at the point when I developed chronic pancreatitis back in 2010. (BTW i’m 34yo). An important thing to mention is that I’ve had severe mental health issues (every anxiety disorder, major depression, ocd, etc). Mental health has been a major factor in my life and how it’s turned out. But I’ll address that at a later date. Late Dec. of 2010: I started getting really sick when i would eat anything. Severe abdominal pain, constant nausea without being able to vomit, etc. After many months of unsuccessful trips to the E.R. and being judged and belittled because of the fact that I am receiving ssi for mental health issues along with being stereotyped as a "drug-seeker", finally my Primary Care Doctor was able to diagnosis me with Chronic Pancreatitis with no obvious cause (i don’t drink and am not diabetic). At this point, he starting prescribing me "Subutex 8mg* for the pain. He didn’t want to start me on what he considered to be more addictive and dangerous meds such as percocet or oxycontin. He told me it was *not* addictive. He is a very smart man who was treating me for three years total. I respected his decisions and thoughts. However, he was wrong about the "subutex not being addictive crap". So, the Subutex actually worked great for my stomach pain *and* the nausea (contrary to what many people and doctors believe, it REALLY does help my pain). I was finally able to eat and not be too sick to get out of bed. It was a miracle. I didn’t know that most doctors NEVER prescribe Subutex for pain. I found out though in a hurry in spring 2014 when my "ex" wanted to move to the northeast in a large city. Spring 2014: I didn’t want to move because we were stable in florida. We both had meds and doctors for our mental and physical health. We had shelter. Food. Happiness (at times). Sure, we both struggled badly with our mental health disorders but at least we had some stability. So, we saved money for a year and by the spring of ’14, we had close to 2 grand saved. She/We did not plan well and tried to "wing it". Went to New York in a Budget Rental box truck. Couldn’t handle New York. Prices for apartments were too high and we both have bad credit. Went to New Jersey and same thing there. Finally, we had a friend we knew online for years offer to let us stay with her for a few days in Philadelphia where we could also look for housing there. We were running out of options, time, and money. Still, we couldn’t find anything. We ended up finding an "Extended-Stay Hotel" aka "Crackden". $740 a month. No credit checks. Code violations everywhere…but it was shelter and we stayed there for about four months or so until some dipsh*t got into a fight with his gf and set a room on the floor below us (ninth floor) on fire. When the firetrucks and licensing people came there, they shut that place down right away. Too many code violations. Everybody who stayed there was displaced and long story short, we became homeless…and i’ll get more in depth with that later. While we were staying in philly, i had to find a new doctor to prescribe the Subutex for my pain and get all my other meds as well…i have extremely high b/p when not treated, etc. I was lucky and found a doctor who didn’t want to prescribe me subutex for the pain…but he did because he didn’t want me to go through withdawal and he actually believed me…Fall 2014…when we became homeless, I couldn’t get to the doctor, I lost my meds, starting going through withdrawal on and off (it became a fight to try and find suboxone or subutex or else not only was I sick from the chronic pancreatitis but now i had to keep buprenorphine in my system or else i would go through the extreme and agonizing withdrawals that many of us know so well…Early winter 2014: My "ex" and I couldn’t maintain our relationship or even our lives…another long story short, I ended up back in my home state close to family. Where she is and what she’s doing…ALS. So I made it home in time to talk to my beloved Grandmother who suffered from alzhiemers and parkinsons before she passed away in jan. Since early winter ’14 to Present: It’s been a horrible struggle. I’ve been living with a very close "friend" in a very small room that has no electric, no plumbing, and we have no transportation. We do live in town in a very small city so walking isn’t too bad…even when the windchill temp is 20 below zero…that does suck a little. I’m working on hopefully getting some housing assistance as I have an appointment tomorrow before my subdoc appointment at 3:40. Life is insane. It’s so hard. I hate to complain but it’s hard. Usually we have a kerosene heater to keep us warm but it broke yesterday and we’re working on another form of heat. In the meantime there are record lows here. today’s high is 4. It’s cold even when you’re inside a small room out of the wind and covered with blankets…with no heater it’s f*****g cold. So I found a "Suboxone Doctor" who has prescribed me some medication but ultimately, he wants me to work the 12 steps, stay clean, and eventually stop taking suboxone. I don’t know what to do about the pain, the withdrawals, anything…All I am doing now is trying to do what the doc says…he wants me to attend meetings but for three different times now, i’ve walked to places that were supposed to have meetings and they were closed. It sucks to walk for thirty minutes in sub-zero windchills to a meeting that doesn’t exist and you have to just walk back "home".In closing for now, I am trying to get into meetings. I’m excited to join this great website and hopefully share my stories and experiences as well as to learn from others and so on. I’m reading up and trying to work the steps although life is made so complicated by being virtually homeless and everything that comes with having nothing. Sometimes I wish that my doc in florida would have never prescribed me subutex but i got nearly three years of pain management and was able to somewhat enjoy life and able to eat. Now, it’s a battle not to be sick but I’m optimistic about my new doc and seeing where life takes me. I’ve been working hard to stay afloat and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you for reading I look forward to reading, talking, and sharing with you all. -JustFellinSkiRacersN(A)

[Kat]

Welcome to our online recovery family, JustFellInSkiRacersN(A)!

I can relate to much of your story.It is good that you have a doctor that wants to see you succeed taking an addictive medication. Maybe the information you got about meeting times and locations was out of date. The easiest way to get things going is to go to http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/ to access current your local meeting schedule and local NA helpline numbers.  I suggest the helpline for a couple of reasons…You will end up talking to another addict in your area, someone who you can talk to one on one.  This person will also knows where the meetings are, and might even know about local resources to help you in your current living situation.I am so happy you found us, please keep posting and let us know how it is going.
 


   

[JustFellInSkiRacersN(A)]

Thank you very much, Kat I’ve made it to a couple of meetings now. It’s really hard but last night i did a little reading out loud from "the big book", i think they called it. Everything is really hard but I am trying. At this particular place, they have meetings three times a week so that’ll be enough for my doc and if i feel up for it when the time comes, i can even try and get into other places. I look forward to the day (hopefully very soon) when I have more time to spend browsing the forums here and be able to reply and share with others. I hope you are doing well, Kat. Thanks again for the reply