How do I be around people that use or drink at celebrations and family events?

[Kat]

Q. How do I be around people that use or drink at celebrations and family events?

[ladyj / mabear]

well I don’t know how YOU CAN BE AROUND IT but for me it is sooooooooooooooooo easy
I DONT GO AROUND IT IF  ITS AROUND IM IN WRONG PLACE

[Kat]

Yeah, I agree…I would avoid it at all costs.  But, speaking from my own experience, sometimes you cannot avoid being in situations, and some pointers I got from my fellow addicts when I was new were:

1. Have an escape plan. (Drive your own vehicle if possible, but know how you will handle this if it starts to be a problem for you)  If things get bad, for whatever the reason, leave.

2. Bring along a fellow addict, that support can be crucial.

3. Be clear about your intentions.  Tell your friends and family that you would appreciate it if they would not offer you drinks or anything else.  If that boundary is crossed, see #1.

4. Take responsibility for your choices.  You don’t ever have to use (or drink) again.  If temptation strikes, be ready to tell yourself that you will not use "NO MATTER WHAT" and then see #1 if you still feel wobbly.

5.  Play the tape all the way through.  Just using today WILL impact your tomorrow.  For me, when I play the tape all the way through, I see how insane it would be for me to throw it all away because I could not handle being around people that drink or use.

These suggestions got me through several family gatherings as a newcomer and honestly, I think I still need them today.  I cannot be responsible for others’ actions, but I can be responsible for my choices.  If I have a plan ahead of time, the chances of my succeeding in staying clean are so much better! 

[Salem]

Yeah, I agree…I would avoid it at all costs.  But, speaking from my own experience, sometimes you cannot avoid being in situations, and some pointers I got from my fellow addicts when I was new were:

1. Have an escape plan. (Drive your own vehicle if possible, but know how you will handle this if it starts to be a problem for you)  If things get bad, for whatever the reason, leave.

2. Bring along a fellow addict, that support can be crucial.

3. Be clear about your intentions.  Tell your friends and family that you would appreciate it if they would not offer you drinks or anything else.  If that boundary is crossed, see #1.

4. Take responsibility for your choices.  You don’t ever have to use (or drink) again.  If temptation strikes, be ready to tell yourself that you will not use "NO MATTER WHAT" and then see #1 if you still feel wobbly.

5.  Play the tape all the way through.  Just using today WILL impact your tomorrow.  For me, when I play the tape all the way through, I see how insane it would be for me to throw it all away because I could not handle being around people that drink or use.

These suggestions got me through several family gatherings as a newcomer and honestly, I think I still need them today.  I cannot be responsible for others’ actions, but I can be responsible for my choices.  If I have a plan ahead of time, the chances of my succeeding in staying clean are so much better!

[Gemm]

One additional suggestion to what Kat said is to arrange with your sponsor or another recovering addict to call or meet up after any event you can’t avoid. It can be for a meeting or just to touch base but helps keep us accountable when we have to go to these types of events. My late husband and I had several we had to attend because of his work as well as with family. We always made plans (and kept them) to leave early enough to go to a meeting afterwards (unless the event was scheduled too late to do that) and would also call our sponsors, or other addict we had made the plans with, when we got home if we didn’t see them at the meetings. One thing we would tell each other before going was "Just because we got clean doesn’t mean the rest of the world had to as well" and that helped me a lot. It helped me to reinforce what we learn that our recovery is our own responsibility, nobody else is responsible for it.