Recent Posts

 

81

Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.

« Last post by Atm142 on March 11, 2017, 03:49:31 AM »

So if you don’t count buprenorphine I’ve been clean about ten years now.


A decade is great but at the same time there are underlying mental issues that I think the drugs are masking in an attempt to self medicate.


Sometimes I wonder if I was on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medicine if I’d even need buprenorphine.


Just speculation but the one thing I really aim to work on this year is my anger.


I never get violent or lash out or anything but anytime I feel like people are taking advantage of me I obsess on it. My mind rolls with the flaws in the system and I lose sleep that night and obsess over it. There’s nothing I can do to make the system better so whats the point of losing sleep and days over it?


It’s just a negative obsession that doesn’t help anyone. It’s absolutely ok to be angry in these situations but at a certain point it becomes self destructive.

 

 

82

Our Stories / New member frustrated venting.

« Last post by Atm142 on March 10, 2017, 01:35:02 AM »

I’m going to share my story though I doubt it has much use to anyone but myself since it is a story older than NA itself. If you’d like to share some wisdom feel free.


12 years ago I was in a car wreck and started taking pain pills. Five years later I picked up 120 pills from the pharmacy and they were gone in 3 days and what scared me was I hadn’t even realized I’d taken so many. Told my doctor, ‘holy crap boss I think I’m an addict.’


He was a close family friend so I had no problem being honest with him and he prescribed me subutex but kept it for the pain. We struggled with the right dose for awhile but settled on 4 mg.


Next few years were great, found my future wife. Every 3 months I paid 25$ to the doc and 3 bucks per pill. He says I should just stick with this medicine for the time being and if I have to take it forever who cares? Lots of people have to take a pill everday.


Five years later my doctor tells me he’s retiring and that only a few people can prescribe subutex and since I’m an addict no doc will touch me thanks to our screwed up system. I say screw it I’ll just quit. I made it 3 months before I started getting suicidal. Psychiatrist tells me ‘look you need this medicine just take it you’ll be fine.’


He sees me on it and off of it, totally different people. One is a normal happy guy the other is a suicidally depressed guy in pain. So I start seeing a different doctor who charges a 100 a month. He’s a good doctor who actually cares and I’d rather be honest and taking subutex than lying and taking other stuff or even dipping back into the hard stuff so I just start figuring a way around the bills every month.


Things are good for the next five or so years. No relapses, no asking for extra pills, no suicidal thoughts.


A few times I start thinking I can live without the pills so I try to quit. Same thing always happens after the physical withdrawals start diminishing the pain starts coming back in full force either back, jaw or god awful migraines. Within a couple months I’m bed ridden wishing for death, within a bit longer the suicidal urges kick in. I don’t really get the urge to use so much as I get the urge to die. I digress.


I accept just taking the medication, a few years pass. 100 a month is tough but what options do I have? If I want a normal life I have to swing it.


Life is so good we find a good balance and at the age of 32 finally have my first child a wonderful beautiful daughter who I never thought I could love as much as I do. That was 2 months ago.


Now though thanks to some screwed up federal nonsense the UAs I used to take were only 5 dollars and I just got two bills for the last 2 UA’s 1 was 100 dollars the other was 520! Mom’s on maternity leave and our funds are crazy tight. By the way, delivering our baby cost 720 dollars with a 4 night stay. Why the heck are my UA’s almost as much?


Seems like every time I find a good balance something comes along and screws everything up making my entire life uncertain. Like you are only allowed to get clean if you are wealthy enough to afford it.


I don’t blame my doctor he’s a good guy just trying to cover his butt from the feds and the users who want to abuse the system it just sucks being caught in the middle everytime.


I can’t survive without the medicine but I certainly can’t affor it either and I don’t know what I can do about it. It’s like taking insulin away from a diabetic because he can’t afford a test to prove he didn’t eat an extra sugar cookie two weeks ago. Every time I start making headway someone comes along and yells ‘you are a worthless addict, you can’t forget that and there is an extra tax for that too!’


The irony? I pay 190 dollars a month for my medicine, roughly what it would cost for me to have insurance. Great stuff.

 

 

83

Online Recovery Meetings and Chat / Re: online meeting times? How do I get a sponsor?

« Last post by recovery on February 12, 2017, 02:06:09 PM »

online meeting times are at 10pm est every night although we do strongly encourage local meetings you don’t need Skype or anything just come in the chat room everything is typed we also tell folks to get a sponsor at local meetings if you need help finding local meetings let us know

 

 

84

General Discussion / Re: 20 years in relapse and want recovery again.

« Last post by recovery on February 08, 2017, 02:39:22 PM »

hi you r right about focusing on just staying clean for today  are steps are written in order for a reason if you r not going to local meetings I suggest you do so and get phone numbers and a sponsor

 

 

85

Online Recovery Meetings and Chat / online meeting times? How do I get a sponsor?

« Last post by writter813 on February 05, 2017, 08:11:41 PM »

To all:
When are the online meeting times? Do I need skype (or a certain program) to be part of that meeting?
Also, what can I do to get a sponsor (I feel that’s the key to my recovery?)
Regarding who I am, I’m completely new to NA. I’ve been taking prescription painkillers every other day for about 3 years; and daily the 10 years prior to that (I had undiagnosed sinus problems that triggered a then-legitimate need for painkillers.) I’m 49 years old.
I have a respected doctor prescribing me my pain medicine–but I have no business being on them 3 years after a successful sinus surgery.
Any help is greatly appreciated–and please excuse if I’ve asked any dumb questions!
Thanks!

 

 

86

General Discussion / Re: 20 years in relapse and want recovery again.

« Last post by ginaleanne on February 05, 2017, 05:26:08 PM »

Sorry didn’t mean to click post yet.  Anyway I’m overwhelming myself.  The thing I need to do right now is just concentrate on not using, when I start overthinking things right?

 

 

87

General Discussion / 20 years in relapse and want recovery again.

« Last post by ginaleanne on February 05, 2017, 05:22:47 PM »

My mind is messing me with me telling me why its not possible to get my sobriety back. 
1. My spouse uses
2. I’ll have to tell my grown son the truth about my addiction.

 

 

88

Introductions and Celebrations! / Re: New person

« Last post by recovery on January 29, 2017, 02:23:24 PM »

hi Andrea welcome glad you r reaching out if you aren’t already I hope you give yourself a break and go to some local meetings if you  need help finding local meetings let us know hope to see you in chat and get to know you more

 

 

89

General Discussion / Changing Sponsors – Need advice

« Last post by jstew318 on January 26, 2017, 09:39:24 AM »

Hello all,


I’ve had the same sponsor for a year now. We were very close at one point, hanging out, talking everyday, working steps and other assignments. Then something happened between us and my trust went out the door. Kind of wondering if this incident has anything to do with my disgust for the program at the moment, but that is a different story. This all happened about 5-6 months ago. We lost touch for months. Finally I though I had forgiven him, we worked step 2 and the last time I spoke to him was on Thanksgiving. I’m not reaching out, neither is he. I’m intimidated by him, never could really tell him everything, not very comfortable. So this week I met with a guy who I’d like to be my new sponsor, I just don’t know how to tell my current one. We’ve not spoken in 2 months, and I feel the call to tell him it’ll will be awkward, not sure what to say due to our past experience together. Wondering if he’ll say I’m making excuses. I don’t like this kind of confrontation, I don’t know how to go about this or what to say. Everyone says, just tell him, he won’t care, but I don’t think that’ll be the case. Any advice on this would be helpful.


Thanks

 

 

90

General Discussion / Re: Sick of Recovery – how do I get the bounce back in my step?

« Last post by jstew318 on January 26, 2017, 09:32:29 AM »

Thank you for your reply. I met with someone I respect in the rooms the other night for coffee and he’s really helped me realize a few things. Not saying that I’m all on board with my meeting attendance, but at least I’m acknowledging my issues. I do like being alone and then I don’t. So many feelings run from one spectrum to the other quickly anymore.