NA_Will

Well its been a rough day for me. Yesterday went to a NA campout meeting we are getting all the loose ends tied up and its coming together really good. Came home and caught the metting online here and its was great. Later that night, went for a bike ride came home and got back on the puter and Sara came in and said is that you in the other room how did you get in? I told her no I just walked in and got on here. Then on the screen came up javaNA_Will denialjava NA_Will 18:00 pm mibbitkflsd4 mibbitsdkldor5. I told her just a second,I went in my grand kids room they have my old puter which has the same name and email and their mom was on it. I don't know how but she got in there, and I told her about in a harsh way, and my grand kids was there in the room. See she is my x daughter in law but that's ok and my grand daughter said why can't mommy play on the puter papa don't you like her anymore. When I walked over to her she flinched my grand daughter was afraid of me. You know what I just want recovery I don't drama and now the ripple effect from this person to person room to room has reached my grand kids. But I have to own this I was in the wrong it was my fault and it all started from me not knowing what I was doing was wrong but that's no excuse I need to accept it and own it I was the one that caused this. This whole thing with me being banned was my own stupidity, talking to someone and they asked me where I've been and I told them. That right there was my fault and my actions has reached my grand kids. WOW!!! Throw a pebble in the water and watch the ripples they seem so harmless, but little we know the effect it will have on people closest to us. So now I have one of the most hardest amends to make. My grand kids are a big part of my life, just hope and pray she accepts my amends.

We al have choices to make in our lives, but remember the choices you make, makes you

Well today was a roller coaster of emotions, went to my God son's funeral this morning. I did the eulegy but this time I knew I was going to do it. Wow he had such a wonderful smile. I can't do this right now.

Well today is day 4 of being cigarette free, its a little stress full but It could be worse, I could have given up and started smoking again. As I was told if it was easy everyone would do it. I'm using the steps on this smoking and today its working. I have the mind set that I can't quit forever, but I can quit just for today.

It gets better one day at a time

Man everyday is just.... I'm lost,hurt,sad,angry,heartbroken,and just mind screwed. That friend that passed away really set me back and think about life. Last night her son was murdered. He was my God son. So I got my phone list out called people called my sponsor, and now I'm here writing about it. It sure helped me lift some of the load and stress. Using is the farthest thing from my mind.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

RIP "Buddy"

NA_Will

Yesterday was a somber and a awakening of the spirit. We laid to rest a good friend of everybodys whose life she touched. I didn't know it till the morning of the funeral I was to give the eulegy. I did it, broke down and I asked if we all could take a moment and join me in the serenity prayer. That helped me get through and get centered. She wasn't a addict ahe was a normie. she went through a lot of hardship but she always had a that would brightened the night. She passed in her sleep from a heart attack. She and her smile will be missed. I was her son's God Father.

RIP Venita Janice Aquiningoc

NA_Will